I really don't want another c-section, and this time, for far more basic reasons than before. While I do really really really want to experience a natural childbirth, even more than that, I really really really don't want to be gutted like a fish again.
Being cut open hurts.
A lot.
For at least a week.
I won't be able to pick up Trent, or probably even to hold him, really, because I will be in mah-jah pain, even with whatever drugs they send me home with. I want the introduction of Silas to be as easy as possible, and I don't think that going from nursing him to sleep every night to not nursing him for a long time because I can't lie on my side any more has any chance of not being traumatic for him.
Tonight Rich is putting him down without me.
I am downstairs with the headphones in so that I don't hear the crying. He isn't letting him cry it out or anything, he is with him, and jiggling him down, I think, or laying with him and rubbing his back, but I still hate to hear him cry...
Any way, if this kid doesn't make an appearance on his own, my section is scheduled for December 29. I hate that his birthday is being chosen for him, it really blows. It seems so unnatural. But I guess it has to be done. If I have to be gutted like a fish, I need to have it done before my Mom goes home to LA. Bummer. Major bummer. Trent was only 4 days over, so hopefully Silas won't go more than 4 days over. Fingers crossed.
I almost started to cry in the waiting room of the pre-op office this morning, reading about how I can't eat or drink anything for 12 hours before my surgery is scheduled. Its scheduled for noon. How in the world am I supposed to not eat or drink anything in the morning? I am going to be dry heaving all over the place. When I am super hungry in the morning, I just puke. Its not fun. And its winter now, its dry, with the artificial heat, and in the mornings, I am deleriously thirsty! OK, so I can have some water, but not past 8am. Oh joy.
If you'll indulge a brief moment of whining... I don't WANT a section and all the shit that comes with it!
So, please Silas, lets get this show on the road, and get you out of my belly, K? I promise that I will give you cookies and chocolate and all the toys you could possibly want*. I already have you hooked up with a stellar older brother, he's gonna be awesome.
K? Anytime now.
Trent is 1 y, 7m, 1w, 1d old; Grape Jelly is 39w along